Belonging
by MissLex19
Summary: "Sometimes, with a sinking feeling, you realize you are darker and more awkward than they are. And yet, when you make yourself take the six-hour flight to visit, it still shocks you, how well you fit in there..." An alternate reality for the Grey family.
1. Back Home

A/N: I own nothing.

You don't always think you belong in their family. The sweet, clumsy, sweater-wearing man that is your father, your warm and affectionate likes-to-bake step mother, your bubbly, smart little sisters. Sometimes, with a sinking feeling you realize you are darker and more awkward than they are. And yet, when you make yourself book the ticket and make the six hour flight to visit, your stomach a flip-flopping mess of mixed emotions, it still shocks you, nearly every time, how well you fit there.

It shocks you every time but it's instant, immediate, that feeling of belonging. Something about it seems right, regardless of your earlier reservations. The way your father is beaming from the moment you walk out of the terminal and hugs you tightly before nervously, but excitedly, rattling off a list of questions and comments ("how was the flight?" "Did you eat?" "Here, give me your bag" "We got pretzels while we were waiting…I saved you one.")

The way Susan squeezes you close, the smell of her perfume familiar and comforting "we've missed you!" she exclaims, and you know without a doubt that she means it. She steps back to look at you fondly, before adding, "you look thin, are you eating?" her eyes narrowed in concern, causing you to laugh. "_Yes_" you insist, rolling your eyes, knowing that heaps of food will be practically pushed on you throughout the duration of your stay.

The way that you almost get knocked down by your sisters as they race to greet you, flinging their arms around you and refusing to let go for several moments, Molly exclaiming "you've been gone _forever _Meredith" which makes you squeeze her a bit more. And how they fight over who gets to sit next to you in the car, until you finally tell them you will sit in the middle, appeasing them both, and awarding you a grateful smile from Susan.

Susan makes all of your favorite foods for dinner and your sisters eagerly pour over your pictures from Europe and listen intently, eyes wide, mouths ajar, to your stories. Susan lets them stay up hours after their normal bedtime (especially Molly who is still little enough to have a strict bedtime) and only declares it bedtime when it's well past eleven, and Molly has fallen asleep with her head on the table, resting on your pictures from Budapest.

Before you go to get ready for bed yourself, Susan kisses you on the cheek, taking your hands in hers "I'm so glad you're home sweetheart" she says- and it almost makes your eyes sting a little, because it's sincere-100%- and because you've missed her too.

A while later you're lying in the bed that has been yours since you were six, in the room that has been yours since you were six (there are a few ratty stuffed animals in the corner, and a light pink color on the walls to prove it) letting the familiar sounds of the house going to bed wash over you in comfort.

You're just beginning to feel drowsy when you see a slight shadow and sense a presence lingering outside your door. You have to smile as you call softly "You can come in Lex." Her figure materializes in the doorway just for a moment before she crosses the room and climbs into bed next to you. She turns towards you, propping her head up with her hand "how did you know I was there?" she asks with a blush.

"You've been sneaking out of your room to come sleep in mine for at least ten years, it's like a sixth sense now" you say dryly, still looking up at the ceiling. But when you turn slightly towards her a moment later and see her smiling, you smile too. "I'm glad you're home" she says with a content sigh. You think about this for a moment- she is the second person in the past hour to, not only say this, but call Seattle your home.

And, after all, you reflect, you feel just as at home here as you do in Boston- if not more. You've spent every summer, and most Christmases and spring breaks here for as long as you can remember. Seattle is stable. In so many ways, it _is_ your home.

"Me too" you agree with a small smile into the darkness, and with the soothing sound of Lexie's soft breathing beside you, you fall asleep.


	2. Crossroads

Disclaimer- I still don't own anything.

The next few days pass in a kind of comfortable slow rhythm, and you're used to it, you've fit right back into this life like a puzzle piece.

You watch movies and go swim at the neighborhood pool with your sisters. Molly's ballet recital is that Friday, and you are stunned to discover that what used to be a performance of questionably talented-and coordinated-individuals (with the exception of Molly, because she's your sister after all, and you've always found her to have more talent and coordination than the rest) has turned into a group of beautiful real-live dancers.

And then you have to remind yourself that Molly _is_ twelve now- almost thirteen-and in Middle School, not one of the kids doing motions to "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" while wearing a big ball of sparkly pink tool around her waist, not anymore at least (and as Lexie puts it "Thank _God _for that.")

There are a lot of trips out to get ice cream and lots of music blasting from the living room stereo (accompanied by questionable dancing.)

Every night you eat together, and in the evenings you get to spend some time with your father. Cleaning up the kitchen together are some of your best moments.

You two aren't the best talkers (discounting rambling) – you've gotten it from him-but the shared time is the way you relate, the best way you interact.

Its how you and your father have been since you were little and you used to eat breakfast with him every morning while your mother worked. You would color, or flip through picture books, he'd read the newspaper- sometimes he'd color with you. And every few minutes he would remind you to take another bite of cereal.

Your interactions today aren't so different. He washes, you dry. Although you talk- comfortable bits of fond conversation-your silence and the slow quiet way you coexist, seems more important.

On Sunday afternoon you and Lexie stretch out on the ancient fold-out lounge chairs of your childhood in the backyard, as you've done many days this week.

It's sunny, and breezy, and for once, not raining. You're half reading, half day dreaming, and coexisting easily.

You look over at your sister and it suddenly dawns on you how _old _Lexie looks.

She's lazily flipping through a magazine, peering at it through large dark sunglasses. Her hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail- curling naturally at the ends the way yours does- and she's wearing jean shorts and a fitted pink t-shirt.

After all, she's going into her junior year, you have to remind yourself. She's fifteen, she's a teenager. And it hits you right then that from this point on she will become more and more your peer.

It's not that you don't talk to her like a peer now-she's your sister after all, you've always spoken with her candidly-but soon you'll actually be in similar life stages, sharing experiences. She'll be less of your little sister, more of your adult sibling, and Molly will follow.

Frankly, this kind of scares you a little.

You're thinking so intently that you don't even notice Lexie put down her magazine and turn to stare at you. It's her voice that startles you.

"So" she says, looking at you through those ridiculously over-sized aviators she's wearing "how long are you going to stay?"

"Already eager to get rid of me?" you ask dryly "I haven't even been here a week."

She groans pushing her sunglasses down off her nose further so that she can properly narrow her eyes "You know that's not what I meant Meredith. You haven't said yet when you're leaving" she persists.

"I haven't decided yet" you say carefully, hoping she'll back off, but knowing that she won't.

She takes the sunglasses off completely, setting them on the table that sits between the two of you "That means you aren't staying long" she answers matter-of-factly, but you hear the disappointment in her voice and your chest tightens a little.

You look at her a sigh. "I can't stay forever Lex, I have to get a job" you explain, putting your book down knowing you won't be reading it anytime soon.

"You could get a job here" she points out practically, and you realize that she's thought about this before.

It's not the first time you've thought of it either. "You're finished school- you could move here" she continues.

You've thought of this before too. There isn't much holding you to Boston- you're finished school and your mother certainly isn't a selling point to stay, but you're at a crossroads, and you haven't told anyone this.

"It's not that simple Lexie"

"Why isn't it?"

Lexie's voice attempts to stay calm, but you notice the pleading there. You look at her, her large brown hopeful eyes staring back at you, unblinking.

"Alright" you relent "but if I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything, okay?" you warn softly.

She perks up significantly, visibly excited about being your confidant.

"I can keep a secret" she assures you.

You can't help but smile "I know- you're bad at it, but you can" you agree, causing her to smile as well, blushing slightly.

You chew your lip, then you just say it, steadily, matter-of-factly "I think I'm going to apply to med school."

She stares at you. Wide-eyed. And then her face breaks into a grin "you're finally going to do it" she says in a sort of proud amazement.

She doesn't look as surprised as you would have thought, and you raise your eyebrows.

"I mean" Lexie continues "you _were_ pre-med. I always assumed you'd become a doctor one of these days."

It sounds reasonable, and yet, you are still surprised because for you it was never that simple.

"I was pre-med because I'm good at math and science. I wanted to keep my options open. I can go into research or something like Dad" you say, slightly defensive "pre-med doesn't mean becoming a doctor."

As you say it, you realize it's the first time you've said it out loud. "Going to med school" and "becoming a doctor" were phrases that, until now, had only been thought in your head.

Lexie scoffs, but smiles "You would _never _be happy in research Meredith" she says with confidence.

"Oh really?" you challenge, attempting sarcasm as you fold your legs under you and turn to face her.

She nods "you're meant to be a doctor Meredith Grey" she says with a pleased nod of her head "why aren't you telling Mom and Dad?"

You sure know why you aren't telling _your_ mother, but Dad and Susan…? You're still a little fuzzy on the why.

"I will eventually" you say weakly "I just need to…" you sigh "I don't know."

Your sister watches you closely "I guess you haven't told your mom" she assumes.

You laugh dryly "nope. I can probably hold off for a while. In fact, I could probably leave for school and she wouldn't notice for a couple of months that I was gone" you joke, but Lexie doesn't smile.

"She'll be proud you're doing what she does" she offers. You have to smile sadly at Lexie's naivety and you shrug.

"I don't think she thinks I can hack it" you admit, surprised at how much you're telling your little sister. She frowns.

"I think you can" she says simply "and so do Mom and Dad. They'll be happy if you tell them."

You play with the plastic on the lounge chair "I'm not sure Dad will be happy to hear that I'm following in my mother's footsteps" you say carefully.

She looks at you a moment, not sure what to say- it's not often that the two of you discuss your mother.

"He knows you aren't her" she says softly, sounding older than she is "you care too much."

You shrug again, suddenly shy. You want to believe what her words, you really do, but sometimes you aren't so sure. You're silent a moment, lost in thought.

When you look up at Lexie again, you have to laugh "_what_?" You question.

A grin has spread over her features once again and she draws her knees up to her chin.

She rests her chin on her hands contently, staring at you, grinning brightly. "You're going to be a surgeon Meredith Grey" she proclaims, looking pleased with how it sounds out loud.

You meet her eyes and smile. You're pleased with how it sounds out loud too.


	3. Promises

Disclaimer- I own nothing.

"Meredith!" Your mother calls loudly. Even from a floor away you can detect the irritation in her voice.

"What? I said I was coming!" You insist, finally giving up on the chapter of the book you've been trying to read and walking downstairs into the kitchen.

Your mother looks up at you as you walk in. "I need to go to the hospital, I-" She groans as the phone rings. You watch as she has a few seconds of internal struggle as she decides what to do about the shrill noise that is occurring before she finally answers impatiently.

"Hello?" You demand as you slump into the seat at the kitchen counter.

"Oh" you hear your mother say dully, sounding both bored and annoyed simultaneously. "Yes, she's here." She thrusts the phone at you.

"It's Thatcher's daughter for you" she says tersely.

You raise your eyebrows "also known as _my sister_? Which one?"

"_I_ don't know" She says exasperatedly "Lizzie or something" she picks up her purse, waving you off.

"_Lexie_, Mom" you groan "_Lexie_."

Your mother doesn't turn around "I'm _late_ Meredith" she says, ignoring your comment and leaving the room.

You roll your eyes "Lex?" you ask into the phone. You hear the front door slam as a familiar voice answers. "Meredith" Lexie says, sounding relieved "your mom scares me."

You have to laugh "yeah, she scares me too…what's up?"

"Just wanted to say hi, how are you? Have you applied to med school yet?"

You roll your eyes "you've asked me that every time we've talked for the past two years, and the answer is always the same."

"I know, and I'm going to keep asking you until your answer is different."

"You're annoyingly persistent"

"It must run in the family. How are you?"

"I'm good; I got a job in research. Are you at least happy I'm using my major?" you say with a smirk.

You can hear Lexie's sigh which makes you smile "Well," she says "it's an improvement but I won't be happy until you are enrolled in medical school Meredith Grey."

You laugh "okay, I get it. How are you? How's senior year?"

"It's good…" Lexie says hesitantly, and by the way her voice trails you can tell that she's not telling you something.

"And?" you prompt, deciding not to pussyfoot around the situation.

"And what?"

"You called because…?"

"To say hi Meredith, I can't call and say hi to my sister?" She retorts, suddenly defensive.

"No, you can call to say hi to your sister, but you called for a reason, I can hear it in your voice."

"Well, I" she relents "I just wanted to tell you that I graduate on June 10th."

And suddenly it's clear to you why Lexie's nervous. She wants you to come to her graduation, but she's worried you can't, or that you won't.

"_Hey, so Dad says we're coming out" _Lexie had told you so many years ago, in a conversation just like this.

"_Of the closet?" _You had almost been able to see Lexie rolling her eyes over the phone.

"_To Boston for your graduation" _she clarified, and you had been stunned.

"_Oh" _was all you had been able to reply.

"_What?" _Lexie had said, sounding hurt._ "Don't you want us to?"_

"_Of course I do Lex I just didn't think you were going to"_

"_Meredith, it's your graduation, this is big. Of course we're coming." _

"Okay, the 10th?" you say presently "Are you having a party? Should I fly in the weekend before?"

"You- you can come?" Lexie asks, sounding surprised.

You smile. "Lex, it's your graduation, this is big of course I can come."

"I-thanks Mer" she says, her voice sounding mysteriously thick "its um, it's the only thing I really want."

Your eyes smart, but you roll them anyway. "Don't be a sap Lex, you're my sister, I'll be there, I promise."

She laughs a little "good."

There is a brief moment of silence, and then,

"You know what I want almost as much as you coming to my graduation?"

"What?"

"For you to apply to med school."

"Don't push it."


	4. Perfect

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N- Thanks to all those who read and reviewed! All comments are much appreciated.

This chapter is set about four years later, during Meredith's first year in med school.

When the buzzer rings in your apartment you aren't expecting anyone. Actually, you're pretty surprised that anyone is ringing it at all.

So when you look through the peep hole and see who it is, you're really surprised. "Oh my god" you deadpan, quickly opening the door.

And there your father and step-mother stand with silly "we-surprised-Meredith" grins on their faces.

It only takes a second before Susan's arms reach eagerly for you and she's squeezing you tight, an excited laugh escaping her throat. You allow yourself to melt into her arms and intense feelings of security, warmth and home come over you.

And suddenly you aren't thinking about early-onset Alzheimer's or the chronological steps of triage you're supposed to be memorizing.

Then there's your father's strong embrace and his apprehensive grin. You laugh in surprise "what are you doing here?" you ask, pulling away.

"We came to visit" Susan shrugs, grinning, as if that only requires a twenty minute drive and not a 6 hour plane ride.

"Let's see this apartment of yours" she adds looking inside enthusiastically, making you laugh again and open the door for them.

"It's a little bare" you admit. Decorating hasn't exactly been your number one priority in the last few months.

"Nonsense" Susan says smiling proudly, waving your comment away and then adding quietly to your father "Thatcher, we need to get her a rug- something homey" making you grin and roll your eyes.

Your dad and Susan had only been with you an hour before you begin to slowly let your guard down. Subconsciously their presence makes you relax a little and let out the breath you'd been unknowingly holding in for weeks.

You take them around campus and you can't help but be warmed by their obvious glowing pride as they listen to you describe your classes and talk about school.

You let Susan mother you, and you slowly remember what it feels like- to have someone hold onto your arm fondly, ask if you're eating and sleeping enough and fuss over how "thin" your winter coat is.

It only feels strange in the very beginning, before it just feels comfortingly familiar.

They know how to do the parent thing- and they're good at it. They take you to the store and restock your fridge (even though Susan assures you that she "knows you're an adult" it just makes her feel better to know you have a cabinet full of soup, cereal and ready rice).

And you notice Susan's eyes glisten when you casually introduce her and your father as "your parents" to a friend you run into on campus. (It hadn't occurred to you to specify "father and step-mother"- and besides, Susan has parented you for as long as you can remember).

They ask you if you'd like to go out to dinner, but you request a night in with take-out. Going out to dinner feels special. What you need right now is to just feel normal.

You feel the stresses that have recently weighed you down slip away as you lounge on the sofa, in between Susan and your father, eating a burrito out of a tin foil wrap.

"Your sisters were crushed beyond belief that they couldn't come with us" Susan says as you eat "but they couldn't miss that many classes- and Lexie has mid terms this week."

"Lexie was especially upset" your father adds "I think she gives herself half the credit that you're in med school right now" he says with a chuckle.

You have to smile "well she was determined to get me here, that's for sure."

"You know Molly started the wedding plans already" your dad tells you, looking tired at the mere thought.

Molly was getting married. Although you had known this fact, it hadn't been on your radar recently. Your baby sister was getting married, and yet with so much else going on, you'd barely had time to even process this fact.

"I still can't believe she's getting married this summer" you sigh.

"Your father can't either. He's in denial" Susan adds with a smile.

"She's so young" your dad says, as if still shocked by it.

You nod "she is, but I'm not surprised she's the first to get married. Neither Lex nor I are anywhere near ready for marriage. Hell, I'll probably never be ready for it" you add good-naturedly.

Susan frowns, rolling her eyes "I'll be sure to remind you that you said that right before you walk down the aisle."

She looks so sure and you're seriously wondering where she has gotten this confidence in you from. You're pretty much a depressing individual- especially now. No one in their right mind would look at you and think that you had the maturity or mental stability for marriage, now or ever.

But Susan's faith in you feels good. You almost let yourself hope for a moment that she'll be right.

"Do you want me to make some hot chocolate sweetie?" Susan asked when you've finished your dinner.

Before you can answer she bites her lip, looking at your father with a frown

"I'm sorry, I'm being overbearing, aren't I?" she nods her head decidedly "you're a grown woman and it's your apartment, that's the last suggestion I make."

You grin sharing a look with your father "Susan" you say looking up at your step-mother "I would love some hot chocolate."

Susan looks surprised and as if she's trying to suppress a pleased smile "Ok honey, sure, if you want some. I'll use the kettle I got you earlier" she pronounces hurrying into the kitchen.

Your father looks at you in amusement "you know" he says lowering his voice "she can try not to be over-bearing with you girls all she wants, but she won't ever stop. She can't."

"I know" you say smiling "mother lion" you say quoting Susan, and making him grin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way" you add a moment later, and you father reaches over and squeezes your arm fondly "me either" he agrees.

The two of you sit in the familiar silence that has always existed between you. Words aren't necessary- you take comfort in the proximity. Your father picks up one of your text books off the table and flips through it. In the background you can hear the clinking of kitchen ware as Susan works.

After a long moment your dad turns and faces you. "Meredith, this doctor thing…" he begins. He stops, starring at you expressionless, as if he can't find the right words.

Your feel your heart pound in the pit of your stomach. He's concerned, disappointed. He's currently imagining a cold woman leaving him with a screaming baby in a hospital lobby for surgery. You had been scared of this reaction since you first considered med school.

You aren't enough like your mother for her pleasing, and you're too much like her for your father's.

"I'm so proud of you" he says finally, affection shining in his eyes.

The voices in your head instantly cease and you whip your head up to look at him, unable to hide the surprised look on your face.

He shrugs "I just…" his voice trails. He's never been great with words. It's where you get it from.

"You amaze me, you're, you're going to be great" he pauses "you're _already_ great" he corrects "I'm just proud of you."

You feel tears prick in your eyes and you blink them away hard. "It took me long enough to get here" you mumble, but he shakes his head.

"This isn't easy Meredith; you took just the right amount of time."

"I won't be like Mom"

You're surprised when those words come out of your mouth, and you instantly will them to be retracted. But when you're father looks at you, straight in the eyes with pride, and speaks, it's worth it.

"Meredith, I have never, not even for a minute, thought that you would be."

He's not good with words, but on the rare occasion that he is, he's perfect.


	5. Facing Reality

Disclaimer- I don't own anything.

A/N- Thanks so much for the reviews! It's wonderful to get feedback and I appreciate them all!

This chapter skips ahead a few years. Meredith is about to start her intern year, Lexie is still in med school in Boston…

"Were you even going to tell me you were moving? Or were you going to let me find out when I came to visit you one day and found someone else living here?" Lexie's voice demands, ringing out from the entryway.

You would know her voice anywhere and you're startled.

You're caught in the living room red-handed, taping up a large box that said "Kitchen Ware" on the side in large black letters.

"How did you-?" you stutter, your roll of packing tape paused in mid-air, briefly thinking that you could have _sworn_ you locked the front door…

"Mom" Lexie proclaims crossly, folding her arms with a huff that makes you swear she's only twelve again. "She said it in passing and then tried to cover her tracks when she realized _I didn't know_!"

"Lex-"

She doesn't seem to hear you as she stares intently at the cardboard box in front of you. "You're already packing boxes?" she exclaims in disbelief.

"I was going to tell you" you sigh calmly "It's just…it's all happening so fast…"

Lexie's face softens "I always knew you'd finally move to Seattle, after years of me begging you to, only _after_ I'd left and moved closer to you." Her tone was more half-hearted now, slightly playful. You roll your eyes, shaking your head slightly.

"You know that's not true" you murmur.

You pause and survey the mess around you, and you can't help but groan, dropping the roll of tape with a thud "this is a nightmare" you breath, closing your eyes for a brief moment.

Lexie follows your gaze before silently seating herself on the box proclaiming itself to be "Living Room Misc." She turns her attention on you with a trained eye and waits patiently.

You run a hand through your hair and slump down on the box across from Lexie's (which has a blue and white nametag reading: "Hello My Name Is: Meredith's- DO NOT THROW OUT.")

After a long moment you meet your younger sister's eyes- there is really no sense in prolonging this.

"I have to go." Your tone is defeated, your gaze weary. "My mom is getting bad, I think Seattle is best for her…and I'm all she has."

Lexie frowns, but doesn't say anything. You can see the sadness in her eyes, and it tugs at you slightly.

"I start my internship at Seattle Grace in a week" you add, meeting Lexie's eyes again, but only briefly.

"You decided?"

"I did." You breathe out a slow release of air you didn't realize you were holding.

"You have a lot of history there" Lexie points out with gentle concern, her frown deepening.

You sigh slightly "I do" you agree, "but it's a good hospital and I'm sure as hell not going to Mercy West…" you pause.

"It'll be okay" you add, for Lexie's benefit, nodding to her confidently.

Lexie nods back, but her frown remains. Silence lingers for a little while. You are both lost in thought. Finally Lexie's small voice breaks the quiet.

"I'll miss you."

You snap out of your reverie and a ghost of a smile flickers across your lips. "I'll miss you too" you respond, and you mean it.

An hour later Lexie leaves. She seems reluctant, and to be honest, you're a little reluctant as well. You're not sure when this will happen again- you and your sister spending a quiet afternoon together. You're not really sure when the next time is that you'll see her again at all.

But she has to go- the trip takes 2 hours and 25 minutes by way of I 93 N. (Lexie had map-quested these particulars the day she was accepted to Harvard med and then promptly sent them to you via e mail complete with a map). She has to go to work, and you have to finish packing. So you are the big sister and you assure her there isn't anything left that she can help with.

And then you gear yourself up to face reality.

"Meredith!" Lexie shouts from her jeep after you've said your goodbyes. She rolls down the window as she prepares to pull away.

You stop short at the front door and turn to face her, and she smiles at you.

"You know, you may be all your mom has, but your mom is _not_ all you have. Not even close."

You're caught off guard, but finally you nod. Part of you has known this to be true your whole life, but part of you is incredibly glad that Lexie has reminded you.

"Thanks" you call back, and she grins.

You watch her jeep pull away until you can't see her anymore, and you try to sear your sister's words into your memory.

Your mom is not all you have.


	6. Hanging On

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N- This chapter is set during Meredith's intern year during the second season of the show. Meredith's mother has already been at Seattle Grace for treatment and the bomb episode has just happened...

Thanks again for all the reviews- they are very encouraging! All feedback is helpful and appreciated!

"Meredith, there you are!"

You can't help but flinch as you turn to find Susan in the surgical wing waiting room, smiling at you expectantly.

It's been a long week and you're tired.

"Coffee?" She asks, holding out a foam cup "I got two."

"You can't do this" you say stepping closer. You instantly regret the tone of your voice, but can't seem to help it.

"You can't just keep showing up here."

Susan looks surprised "are you busy?" she asks timidly.

"I'm working" you snap "you're here, at my work, so chances are, I'm working."

Susan looks as though you've slapped her, and you hate yourself for that. She's quiet for a long moment, raw hurt glimmering in her eyes.

"Okay" she says, her voice a ghost of a whisper, nodding curtly and turning away.

You watch her leave, unable to go after her, wondering what the hell is wrong with you.

Guilt tugs at you for the rest of the day, but it is mixed with anger. If Susan hadn't been there in the first place, you wouldn't feel guilty at all, you try and justify to yourself.

But by the end of the day the guild has eaten away at you and it's hard to even convince yourself that Susan provoked you at all- even just a little.

You just plain feel bad.

As you leave your shift you find yourself sighing in defeat and resign to add being unnecessarily bitchy to your amazing step-mom to the growing list of things that are currently making you depressed.

And then you see her.

You've barely stepped outside the hospital doors and there she is, sitting on a bench. Knitting.

You're almost relieved, but you also feel panic rise within you. You aren't in a good place to talk to her, or anyone even remotely bright and shiny right now. You might say something else to make her hate you and make you hate yourself even more.

But you can't help but let part of you want to go to her.

Before you can help it images come to you of Susan sitting with you until you feel asleep as a little girl uneasy in your new room in your father and Susan's new house. And images of nights spent squished with Lexie in between Susan and your dad on the sofa as you watched movies over winter breaks of yore.

Mostly, you think of her smile and the shine in her eyes when she picked you up from the airport just months ago when you'd moved back to Seattle. She'd gripped you tightly and then put her hand to your cheek murmuring "my girl's finally home" with a grin.

It was the first time you had felt like you had made the right decision going back.

And so you find yourself walking towards her.

She notices you when you're about a foot away.

"Hi."

Her voice is tentative and it pierces you that she feels the need to walk on egg shells around you, but you don't blame her.

"Hi, uh, what are you…what are you doing out here?" You ask quietly, your voice gentle. Your question is not meant in anger. You hug your sweater more tightly around you and look at the ball of blue yarn she has perched next to her.

She sighs slightly and puts her knitting down next to the yarn.

"I know you don't want to see me, and I know I'm being too pushy, but-" she shrugs "It's hard for me to leave one of my girls when they're so upset…" she smiles sadly "even when they're upset at me."

"So instead I'm out here, knitting you a scarf like a fool because I can't get myself to leave."

You're about to say something, but Susan beats you to it.

"I know I'm not your mother" she croaks, it's something you're not expecting to hear at all and you're slightly taken aback.

"-but I love you, and I'm worried about you- I can't help it. I'm sorry if I've overstepped my boundaries. I've just always considered you mine, but I guess-"

Emotion coats her voice thickly and she looks up at you "you aren't mine completely, and I need to honor that."

Susan seems like she's trying to hold back tears and you sigh deeply, swallowing hard.

And then you sit down, a few inches away from her on the bench.

"You're wrong" you finally say softly, your voice grainy, and Susan looks up, surprised.

"I'm yours" you say simply. You feel exhausted all of a sudden "I've been yours for as long as I can remember. You raised me Susan Grey, and I don't ever want you to treat me like you didn't. I-" you pause; a catch in your voice, and Susan watches you her eyes glistening with moisture.

"If I have coffee with you, or go home with you- I will crack" you blurt out, not really even realizing this is true until you've said it out loud.

"I'm barely keeping it together Susan" you admit, rubbing your temples with one hand "and I'm an intern so I have to keep it together. I can't mess up right now. I have to work incredibly long hours, not sleep, and keep it together, that's my job. And if I let you be _you_ right now I _will_ fall apart and I just-"

Your voice cracks in a dry sob "I _can't_ fall apart right now Susan, I'm barely holding on as it is."

The way Susan looks at you, you know her heart is breaking for you. And although your severe need to compartmentalize right now keeps you from thinking about this for too long, it's somehow comforting, that you mean this much to someone.

Silence follows your rant and the two of you stare ahead blankly.

"Can I sit here with you for a little while?" Susan finally asks gently.

You bite your lip hard, to prevent the tears that have welled in your eyes from falling.

"Please?" you murmur, without looking at her.

Wordlessly she takes your hand in hers. And you sit. It's not what you really need, but right now, it's all that you can handle.


	7. The Silver Lining

A/N- Thank you for all of the reviews! All feedback is much appreciated. This chapter takes place during Season 2 episode 22…

Disclaimer: I own nothing

"Dr. Grey"

You cringe a little hearing your name; mostly because you are 98% positive you know who it is that is calling it.

You come to a halt in the hallway and curse yourself for not taking the long way to the locker room. Addison is standing in the doorway of the room to your right and you face her expectantly.

"Can I have you on my service today?"

No. Absolutely not. You would rather eat live tarantulas than be on her service.

"Sure"

You force a smile and walk into the room.

"Molly?" you exclaim, instantly startled as you look at Addison's patient and come face to face with your youngest sister.

"Molly was transferred from Mercy West because of an abnormal ultrasound. We have to run some tests before we'll know any more. Dr. Grey I realize that you cannot be the intern on this case, but I thought you may want to talk your sister through the preliminary tests and then later on I'll get another intern."

You are finding it very hard to focus on Addison's words because you're confused about so many things you don't even know where to start.

"Hey Mer" Molly smiles weakly.

"You were at Mercy West?" you say, directing your attention to your sister.

"I told mom and dad not to say anything to you yet- I know you have a lot going on…"

Molly answers your real questions immediately- _why didn't I know you were at Mercy West?_

"Does that work for you Dr. Grey?" Addison asks, preparing to leave.

"Yes, thank you" you respond, accepting Molly's chart from her.

"Alright Molly, then I will be back soon to do your ultrasound" Addison says looking towards your sister with a smile before leaving.

You sit on the edge of Molly's bed glancing at her chart. As soon as Addison is gone, Molly leans toward you.

"Is that _the_ wife?" she asks conspiratorially in a high pitched whisper.

You sigh "the one and only."

"She seemed like a total bitch" Molly says decidedly.

You put the chart down and face her "she's not" you tell her miserably "that's the _problem_. She's nice. And like-able and it's becoming really hard to hate her."

Molly frowns sympathetically "yeah, she actually did seem pretty nice. But for your sake I assumed she was a total bitch."

You have to smile wanly at this "I appreciate that."

"Gosh" Molly continues "of all things, can you believe she's _my_ doctor? I almost feel disloyal just being her patient."

"Don't" you insist quickly "people come from all over to see her. She's the best. I want you to see her."

You pause looking back at her chart with a frown "What's been going on? You should have told me you were at Mercy West. When I'm busy you leave out details like what you had for lunch yesterday, not that you were admitted to the hospital."

"Congenital diaphragmatic hernia" you add softly, reading her chart and trying very hard not to let your expression give away the fear that tugs at you.

"We just found out yesterday" Molly says, her eyes clouded with her own fear. "Mom tried to call you on our way here, but she couldn't get a hold of you."

"My phone was in the locker room" you respond distractedly. "How did Addison know you were my sister? Your maiden name isn't on your chart."

Molly groans "_Mom_. She was trying to threaten her and felt it would be a good idea to mention that we had a doctor in the family."

"Oh god" you wince, imagining Susan in full-on mother lion mode.

"Yeah." Molly's face becomes serious once more and her voice is small when she speaks. "Mer, how bad is it? _Really_?"

Statistics shoot through your head and you picture MRI's of infants with under-developed lungs.

Then you look at your sister. She's so young. _So_ young. At her age you were partying your way through your undergraduate degree. She's married to someone who just recently deployed and is pregnant with his child. A child who happens to have a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. She's too young. It's not fair. Your sister doesn't deserve any of this.

You put her chart down and put on a brave face, managing a small smile.

"It's not great Mol, but there's also a very good chance you'll both be absolutely fine. If this surgery goes as planned, you'll never have to worry about this again."

Molly looks slightly encouraged "do you think my baby is going to be okay?"

For a split second you see five-year-old Molly, lip trembling, standing in your doorway.

"_Meredith, do you think all of the monsters in my room are gone?" _

You smile and squeeze her hand "I hope so" you tell her "and I've got a good feeling about it. Besides, this kid is a Grey, Greys are tough." You add with a wink.

That night, after your shift is over, you get to just be a family member of a patient, instead of a doctor. You know that if you end up sleeping in the hospital tonight it will be for a very different reason than when you normally do.

For a few hours you forget that you're an intern and you forget about McDreamy and McDreamy's surprise wife. It's been so long since you spent a quiet evening with your family that you've forgotten how much you've missed it. And although your fear for Molly lurks in the back of your head, you are all able to forget for a little while and embrace the silver lining: you're all together.

You sit beside Molly on the bed and your father and Susan sit in chairs on either side of you while you watch some cheesy made-for-television Lifetime movie.

"I didn't know you could knit Sweetie" Susan comments looking at the "sweater" you are feverishly working on. Susan knits, but you all know that you're not exactly the domestic type.

"I just learned- it's good for surgical dexterity" you inform her.

Susan nods and Molly smirks.

"She gave up men and knitting is helping her stay celibate" your sister says without missing a beat.

You shoot her an unforgiving glance and she merely smiles mischievously. Your father looks as if he would really like it if he could melt straight into the floor right about now. He all of a sudden becomes fascinated in the movie he was formally half paying attention to and focuses intently on the TV screen.

Susan raises her eyebrows and looks almost as if she wants to laugh but she swallows the urge and clears her throat.

"Um, what are you making Meredith?"

Molly is still grinning but you turn to your step mother. "It's supposed to be a sweater. But right now it just looks like a knitting machine blew up."

Susan looks at your mess of blue yarn "It's not that bad honey" she says, trying to sound encouraging.

"I don't know Mom… "Molly says, playfully holding up a corner of your sad attempt at a sweater and raising her eyebrows. You snatch it away from her protectively.

"Molly's right" you say in frustration "it sucks."

Susan frowns sympathetically "do you want me to help?"

You nod sulkily, feeling about seven years old again.

"Okay" Susan says getting up from her chair "scoot over little girls." You and Molly shift over and soon the three of you are crammed sitting on the hospital bed. Your father looks over with an amused smile.

"Okay, let's see this…" Susan says putting her reading glasses on. She takes your knitting from you and stares at it a moment, you assume she is trying to figure out where to begin.

"So you gave up men?" she asks a moment later, still staring at your knitting, beginning to pull out a few tangled stitches.

You sigh. "It's a long story."

Susan glances over at you and smiles "I've got time."

You look up at her and then lean back further into the pillows

"Well, it was Izzie's idea…"


	8. Show Time

A/N- I'm sorry for such a delay in updating this story! I have not forgotten about it but I was stuck for a while about exactly where I wanted to go with it. Finally I feel like I'm back on track! Thanks for all of the reviews- I appreciate each and every one of them. Thanks to all of you out there still reading!

This chapter is set during season 3 episode 10. The next chapter is written and as soon as it's edited I will post it since it directly continues from this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

"I just got your page" you call jogging lightly down the hall and coming to a breathless halt in front of Susan and Addison.

"Good. Dr. Grey, it's show time" Addison tells you, checking the chart in her hands.

"It's show time?" your eyes widen in surprised and search Susan's face for confirmation.

Susan attempts enthusiasm as she nods "it's show time" but it looks like she's fighting the urge to throw up.

"And Dad…?"

Susan sighs "still in Boston, he'll never make it in time. We had no idea it would be so soon…"

Addison looks at your step mother sympathetically "Unfortunately, Mrs. Grey these things are sometimes out of our control. I'm going to go see Molly and make sure she's being prepped, in the meantime Dr. Grey can you take your step mother to get scrubbed in?" Addison turns to look at you expectantly.

"Can I scrub in?" you blurt out.

"Dr. Grey…" Addison begins with a frown.

"Just as family, I'll stay out of the way, I just want to stand by Molly" you add hastily.

Susan looks relieved by the mere suggestion and Addison considers it.

"Fine by me Grey, but you won't so much as check a pager while you're in that E.R."

"I understand" you agree quickly.

"Alright" Addison smiles "then I'll see you in there."

As she leaves, you turn to face Susan "you ready Grandma?" you smirk.

"You too? Lexie has been calling me that all week." Then she takes in a deep breath "I'm nervous" she admits "I'm going to become a Grandma today."

You grin "you are."

"And you're going to become an aunt" Susan points out with a smile as you lead her to the scrub room.

"It's nuts" you remark, shaking your head "I remember so vividly the day Molly was born…"

Susan smiles at the memory "this is a whole new territory for me. In an hour I'm going to have a grandchild and my baby girl is going to be a mother."

Susan looks at you, smiling wistfully "I haven't felt this anxious since I first met you."

You laugh looking at her in surprise "you were nervous?"

The two of you walk into the supply room and you begin to rummage through the shelves looking for a pair of scrubs for your step mother.

Susan nods "I was terrified. Your father had told me so much about you- I was so worried you wouldn't like me."

You smile lightly "I don't think I even remember it. It's hard for me to remember before I knew you."

Susan smiles at you "I remember it. You were wearing purple leggings and your Seattle sweatshirt with the space needle on it."

You laugh "God I remember that sweatshirt…you've got to love the eighties…"

Susan nods, lost in the memory "you were so sweet. You were a little shy at first, but you warmed up. We went to the park and you let me push you on the swings…"

You smile at the nostalgia in Susan's voice. "Sweet? Are you sure it was me?" You tease.

Susan throws you a _look_ "you hadn't learned what sarcasm was yet" she counters. Then she turns serious again "and that was that" she concludes "I was already in love with your father, and then I fell head over heels for you. The rest is history."

You smile at her, knowing how very lucky you were that you had gotten a step mother like Susan.

You hand Susan her pair of scrubs "I have the best step mother in the world" you tell her simply, giving into a rare moment of sentimentality "and this little baby is going to have the best grandmother in the world" you say confidently.

Susan smiles at you sweetly, accepting the scrubs, and you swear you see tears glint in her eyes "thanks sweetheart."

You grin and squeeze her hand "now let's go meet the newest Grey."

Susan laughs "you know she'll technically be a Thompson…"

You shrug "technicalities."

* * *

A half an hour later your sister's c-section has begun and you and Susan are fully scrubbed in, standing on either side of Molly. True to your word you haven't done a thing but talk to Molly, you haven't even ventured past the tiny curtain they've put up to prevent the patient from seeing blood and freaking out. Or as the case would have it, the patient's mother.

"Can you see her yet?" Molly asks, directing the question at Susan.

You almost laugh at the look on Susan's face as she shudders with a weak smile "um, no, I'm not going to look until all the blood is gone."

You flash Molly a grin and peer past the curtain, and can't help the smile that lights your whole face as you catch your first glimpse of your niece. You've been in a dozen c-sections before and seen countless numbers of purple newborns coated in birth fluids, and yet you're pretty sure this is the prettiest baby you've ever seen in your whole entire life- blood and all.

You reach back to squeeze Molly's arm "I can see her, Mol."

Molly's eyes shine with tears "really?" she croaks "you can? Is she out?"

"Almost" you reassure, tearing your eyes away from Addison holding your niece to smile at Molly.

"Dr Grey" Addison's voice startles your attention away from Molly "you are completely scrubbed in correct?"

"I am" you say quickly, confused. You're heart pounds for a moment as you wonder if something is wrong- does Addison need another set of hands?

"Then take the scissors from Nurse Jacobs and cut your niece's umbilical cord."

You don't have to be told twice, and you feel a wave of gratitude towards Addison. Considering Eric isn't here to do it and the fact that generally the doctor cuts the umbilical cord in a c-section anyway, this will be a nice story to tell Molly's baby.

You try to focus on cutting the cord instead of staring at your niece, but it's hard. However, the moment of awe is cut short and your smile instantly fades.

Something is wrong.

The baby isn't moving and Addison's brow has furrowed into a frown. As soon as the umbilical cord is cut she's taking the baby away, whispering hurriedly to the other intern scrubbed in. You step back in a stupor to stand beside Molly again, feeling absolutely helpless.

You look between Addison and the other doctors, and your niece's monitors, frantically trying to figure out what's wrong. At this point Molly has caught on to the air of uneasiness in the room.

"Mer" she whispers, a tremor in her voice "Mer, what's wrong?"

"I-I" you stutter, still watching the flurry of doctors in front of you, feeling frozen "I don't know" you admit, a terror seizing you suddenly that you still haven't heard a baby's cry.

Without thinking, you walk towards Addison "what's wrong?" you ask frantically.

"Dr. Grey you need to stay back" Addison says calmly.

"But she's not okay" you insist "what's wrong?"

"Dr. Brooks can you please go update Dr. Grey?"

Your breath feels tight as Dr Brooks, another first year intern you don't really know, approaches you. In the background you can hear Susan attempting to comfort your sister.

"She's not breathing" Dr. Brooks tells you gently "we need to get her into surgery; Dr. Montgomery thinks its jejunal atresia."

Your heart skips a beat- _jejunal atresia_. After all she's been through…

"Meredith?" your step mother's voice asks pleadingly.

You swallow and force yourself to turn back to your family.

"She can't breathe" you say, fighting tears "they're taking her into surgery to fix it."


	9. Aunts

Molly is panicked to say the least- and you're sure her raging maternal hormones aren't helping the matter. Susan manages to get your little sister calm as the doctors close her up and take her to recovery.

Addison leaves before they've finished with Molly, going straight into surgery on your niece. Before she leaves she pauses in front of you "I'll send Dr Brooks to give you updates."

You manage a grateful nod. Your head is still spinning- everything had changed for your family in a matter of moments. You suddenly have immense empathy for patients and their families. It's terrible being on the other side.

You and Susan sit with Molly in recovery, trying to talk about anything to keep your minds off of your fear.

After what seems like an hour- but is only fifteen minutes- Dr Brooks appears. You and Susan stand expectantly and Molly looks like all the color has drained from her face.

"The baby has a blockage in her intestine that needs to be removed, that's why she couldn't breathe."

You figured as much from what you were told in the OR, but hearing it confirmed still sets you on edge.

"Has the surgery started yet?" You ask, stepping closer to Dr Brooks.

"It just started."

"Does Dr Montgomery have good access?" You feel a responsibility to ask these questions that Susan and Molly wouldn't know to ask. You've talked to enough patient's families to know that most of the time Doctors don't give the families the full story. You want to know exactly what's going on.

Dr Brooks seems sympathetic "yes, it looks like it. Dr Montgomery didn't see any immediate issues."

It's a small relief, but it makes you breathe a little easier.

As Dr Brooks leaves, Molly turns to you, her gaze determined.

"Meredith" she says "how bad is it?" Her tone dares you to lie to her. In another situation you might joke that Molly had clearly inherited Susan's mother-lion tendencies. Instead you try to quickly figure out how to tell your sister the truth without making her hysterical.

"Jejunal atresia is tricky with newborns, but if Addison thinks that there is good access, good visibility, then that's a great sign." You force your voice to be calm, and you sit beside your sister.

Molly puts a hand to her forehead and breathes deeply. "I need to call Eric, but I don't even know what to tell him." Her breath quickens and tears come to her eyes "she doesn't even have a name" she moans "I can't even name her because I'm not sure how long she'll be mine."

Molly's words make your throat feel clogged with emotion and Susan flies into action.

"Hey, hey" she says, sitting on Molly's other side and making Molly look at her "she's going to be okay. And we'll call Eric together, alright? It's going to fine… it's going to be alright…"

As Susan hugs Molly close, she looks at you over your sister's shoulder, her eyes teary and concerned. She's keeping it together for Molly, but you know your step mother is practically at her breaking point.

As Molly talks to Eric on the phone, long distance, you leave to call Lexie. Susan had asked you to call her and your father. "She'll ask questions I won't know the answers to" Susan had fretted helplessly, and you'd quickly agreed.

Lexie picks up on the first ring. "Oh thank _God_, we've been waiting for one of you to call! Are we officially aunts?"

You cringe at Lexie's bubbly excited voice "we are" you say weakly. And instantly you've given yourself away.

"What's wrong?" Lexie's tone changes immediately, "is everything okay? Is Molly okay?"

"Molly is fine. Lex, the baby has jejunal atresia."

There is a brief moment of silence before Lexie responds, her voice odd and tinny, "she-uh-she-what? Is she in surgery?"

"Yeah, she is. So far it's going well."

"Oh my god" Lexie breathes, as if the weight of it is sinking in. "Oh my god. How's Molly?"

"She's hanging in there" you say tiredly "she's on the phone with Eric."

"I can't believe this, I…"

"I know"

"You'll call me as soon as you know something?"

"I will" you assure.

"I wish I was there" she says next- her voice seeming on the verge of tears.

"I know" you say, attempting to keep your own voice steady "but you wouldn't be able to do anything here either, we're just waiting too."

Talking to Lexie is hard- she's the only other person in your family who realizes the seriousness of this situation. Lexie knows, as well as you, that your niece could die. The risks are always high with babies this young.

The next hour passes sluggishly slow. You make coffee runs just to have something to do. On the way back from one of your trips you run into Dr Brooks, heading for your sister's room. Your heart begins to pound and you rush forward to intercept her.

"Any news?" you inquire breathlessly.

When Dr Brooks smiles, relief washes over you in waves. You know she's going to be fine before the words come out of her mouth.

You find Susan outside of Molly's room hanging up her cell phone. Seeing the flushed look on your face her eyes grow wide.

"Do you have news? Oh Meredith, please tell me it's good news, because then I'll have to go in there and tell your sister, and I can't bear to tell her any more bad news…"

"She's out of surgery, Dr Brooks said the baby-"

"Laura" Susan says softly "Molly named her Laura"

You smile "_Laura_ is just fine. There's going to be a lot of recovery, but she's expected to-"

You don't even have a chance to finish your sentence before Susan is hugging you so tight you can't breathe.

"Thank you" she breaths against your hair.

You laugh, holding her close "I didn't do anything, I'm just the messenger."

Susan pulls back from you, her smile lighting up her whole face "you did do something. I couldn't have done this alone today. I wouldn't have understood half of what's going on. It's nice to have a doctor in the family."

You grin "you're about to have two. Come on; let's go tell Molly the good news."

The two of you head into Molly's room, but Susan stops just short of the door "you're an aunt" she beams at you, squeezing your arm.

You let this information register. _Aunt Meredith_- you try it out in your head and you can't help the smile that springs to your features.

You could get used to that.


End file.
